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Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free. Given that Club Mistress is purely a women's play club a strict "no cameras, no men" rule is enforced at meetings and partiesit's not surprising that the members are so covert.


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Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free. Before the J-unit can shoot back a retort to my crudities, the door pops open, allowing only the Sifl and Olly of Valley nightlife to swagger into the swap meet, being that it's still a quarter 'til. Saturday nights, like this one, are couples' nights.

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Club Chameleon, which has been in operation sinceis in an industrial district near the dead ends of 29th Avenue and an almost impossible-to-find road called Cheery Lynn. Though the club is 12,square-feet large and well-lit on the outside with plenty of security, it's a bitch to find, even on the second and third return trips. In fact, truth be told, I doubt the J-girl and I would have found it, or have bothered to find it, had it not been for the Phoenix City Council, the City Prosecutor's office and the Phoenix PD's vice unit.

See, clubs city passed a law back in aimed at closing the handful of het and gay sex clubs in the Valley, making it a misdemeanor punishable by up to six months in the slammer sex operate a nightspot where someone might get it on while someone else is watching. Reckon the city fathers and mothers couldn't out-and-out ban bonin', group bonin' or watching either.

But they did want to put the swing clubs out of business. Seems the law was drafted by the City Prosecutor's office with the help of this wing-nutty outfit of Jesus-huggers called the National Family Legal Foundation, and the city has since that time spent gobs of phoenix chedda defending all the phoenix challenges while the PD's vice coppery spends even more dolo raiding these sex, trying to catch someone doin' the nasty or whackin' off. Currently, the owners of nearly all the swing clubs in town have been charged on one or more counts of the new law and are each scheduled to go to trial in the next month or so.

Which brings me back to why the Jettster and I are at the Chameleon tonight. I figure if there's some freakin' goin' on somewhere in clubland, it's the duty of this Valley's dissolute Daredevil and Elektra to dive headfirst into that carnal cesspool while we still have the club But boy, were we in for a surprise. First off, there's no firewater at any of these places, including at CC.

Yeah, they've got Red Bull, but no Skyy to go with it. I knew I should've hidden us a flask of Stoli in the J-girl's handbag. And though they do have pornos playing on TV screens all over the place, the large, main room is otherwise like any dance hall in downtown or Scottsdale, with tables and chairs, a shiny DJ booth, and a couple of mirrored disco balls.

Off to one side is a big buffet, with fresh shrimp cocktail, cheesecake, cold cuts, lemon squares and fruit salad.

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On this evening, there's even a fella carving off slices of prime rib and frying up omelets to order, though CC usually only has these during special events. The Jettster and I take up residence at the bar and observe as the generally well-heeled crowd files in, hoping that we'll see 'em rip off their clothes as soon as they enter and jump into a big ol' pile of nekkid flesh.

But there's none of that.

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Even as the night progresses, the wildest thing I witness is a couple of gals losing their tops, which is something you can see almost anywhere on a Saturday night. But maybe because of the slightly more mature crowd most folks are in their late 20s, 30s and beyond, with very few in their early 20s or the lack of jungle juice, the place seems subdued, cordial and very adult, kinda like the key phoenix depicted in Sex Ice Stormif you've ever seen that club.

As far as looks go, a Scottsdale scene like the Pussy Cat Lounge is an eye-candy Nordstrom's by comparison. About 15 percent of the chicklettes and studbuckets in da club that night were in the hella-fine category. The rest were like anyone you might run into at Albertson's, ya dig? We get a tour of the t from a husband and wife we'll call Richard and Sue, handsome for their age, which I'd guess must be early 50s.

Married for 15 years, they've raised six kids together. They tell us they've been "in the lifestyle," as they call the swing scene, for almost six years.

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We'd had no lifestyle experience, but we were curious because we'd seen that HBO special Real Sex when they had a thing on swing clubs. I just wanted to see what it was like. We kept coming back.

She decided she had an interest in women, and explored that. And now we're full-swap. Some people just play in the same room. I prefer not to be in the same room with him because I don't want to worry about whether he's having a good time or not.

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We make love to each other. We have sex with other people.

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Jett and I are working to get to that stage in our relationship," I josh. Richard and Sue take us through Club Chameleon's warren of theme rooms, all running the length of a long, L-shaped hallway hidden behind the main area.

The way it usually works is clubgoers make a connection and reserve a room, or vice versa. The room's yours for about an hour or so, and you can have up to six people per room. Unlike the way things were before the law changed, doors are closed and locked.

After you're finished, the staff changes the sheets on the beds and otherwise hoses everything down so it's ready for the next set of occupants. Fresh towels and bowls of condoms are set out all over, as safe sex and cleanliness are encouraged by the management. Beaucoup time and effort have been put into the decor of the various chambers.

There's a French Quarter-themed "brothel room" phoenix wine-red walls and a mechanical device called a Sybian, on which women can pleasure themselves with a variety of sanitized attachments. A room filled sex mirrors, and one with S-shaped chairs perfect for yoga enthusiasts. A doctor's office, with medical chairs outfitted with stirrups, as well as a club room with African masks and a bed overlaid with sheer curtains. A massage room with a massage table, and a "fish bowl" room, painted with an undersea theme populated by oversexed mermen and mermaids.

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No Sponge Bob here, though at one time the painted-over windows were one-way, and people could watch whatever action was taking place on the bed inside, without those inside being able to see out. Richard and Sue cut us loose after showing us around, and we hang in the "couples room," where there are couches, a bed and a big round black leather ottoman. The DJ makes an announcement that New Times is takin' on all comers, and we chat and relax with the various folks who come by to conversate with us.

It'd take a whole 'nother column to do justice to every confabulation we partake in, but highlights include meeting Club Chameleon's "Cutie of the Year," the year-old Dawn, who phoenix as a performer at Christie's Cabaret, and later let us photograph her all over the club; Leejay Williams, a stunning, cinnamon-skinned Jamaican lady in town to promote that island's swinger-friendly Hedonism Resort; and Tucsonans Moshe and Brandie, a duo who make the drive from Tucson on a sex basis because "There's nothing like this in Tucson," according to Moshe.

As we're speaking to a married couple who opt to go by Dick and Doris, Doris makes like Felix the Cat and pulls out their bag o' tricks to sex us, including a blue strap-on that the Jettster clubs with envy. They tell us four they're in from Colorado, then get down to brass tacks. For more info on Club Chameleon, please see www. Keep Phoenix New Times Free Since we started Phoenix New Timesit has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way.

Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising club setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism.

You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls. Use of this website constitutes phoenix of our terms of useour cookies policyand our privacy policy. We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy. the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.

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I Support Local Community Journalism. Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times. Powered by SailThru.