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Update: The city of Reno is reversing course on its decision to allow stage dancing at strip clubs, which have begun to re-open despite Gov. Steve Sisolak's closure order. Shortly after 1 p. Thursday, city spokesman Jon Humbert said strip clubs that also have a restaurant or liquor would be able to open as long as dancers stayed on stage and didn't take their tops off.

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You could call it my night job while I was trying not to pass out in the University of Nevada-Reno Student Union every morning, pouring over my pills and Starbucks that kept my secrets in. On that morning, I was just Cat: late to class and underachieving on the academic scale I would attach myself to. I fit the profile of 'artsy girl with unrealistic expectation of student living. I took too many selfies in the strip club dressing room and filled too many diaries with stranger-than-fiction tales.

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I had an identity crisis every night. I went through phases of feminist thought, drugs, fashion, and men.

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Upon closer evalutaion, you'll see an unlikely, and truly bizarre, feminist bravado unfold: House moms with hard accents. Strippers who cried too much. My life was mirrors and femme rage. I raged on and on and on and on. I breathed in way too much secondhand smoke.

For an entire month, I only stripped to Rage Against the Machine. Ah, to be 23 years old without a care in the world while prancing around to protest music. I thought I was so edgy. Sometimes I miss stripping.

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Not so much the hauntings that occurred but the shadiness of the whole ordeal. I miss my iPhone camera, my most loyal companion, always right next to the stripper who always cried.

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And don't ever make eye contact or she'll unfold her troubles onto you. I was so many girls at once. The selfies I took expressed a millennial attitude of arrogance. It said: I like my face, but not enough to smile with teeth.

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Me: a tall, pixie brunette l ooks at her reflection with her best Playboy centerfold. She doesn't notice, too busy dipping into nachos and asking the house mom — a well-intentioned woman who babysits dancers in the dressing room, often with a maternal ruling that sustains order and comfort. The crumbs on the velvet carpet. Evidence of cupcakes in the fridge suggests another dancer turned Ripped magazines on a broken loveseat couch.

Cigarette burns on the maroon comforter. My favorite thing at the end of the night? The leftovers. No, I'm not talking about Dominos from house mommy. Strip sisters bond through vulnerability and then dismantle the moment the next night when you wave hello and they ask for a line or a Red Bull. I never took it personally. Some girls called it grooming or cruelty or abuse by dancers who gentlemens there the longest. Especially club I was the alpha stripper because ike any employee who stays with the company for ten years, you start earning respect and perks.

The unspoken rule: you can be mean to beta strippers if you busted your ass for management the past 6 years. Reno a good rule. But absolutely disappointing as a policy.

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Girls hate girls sometimes. I had to get past the passive-aggressiveness.

You from the future? Girl, you a mess. There was such a mess of female competition, combined with mood disorders and substance abuse problems; it unhinged us. We were all frenemies, thick as thieves and eager to show both the love and hate we carried for each other day in and day out. We never got attached, though. I lived in the utopia of abandonment. Energy belonged to girls who aged into ghosts of themselves.

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I like to think they wandered off into the Nevada desert and make art with rough pastels now. It's one of my favorite denial fantasies, of which I have many. The ones who can't pay.

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The regulars who came just for you: for support, money, love. Or to make sure your night is going okay, to refill your Red Bull, read their poem. The novelty of the obsessive type gets old fast. The fanatics are just therapy cases with quick expiration dates and on to the next. I get enough personal time with my shrink every other Monday at 3pm.

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I learned not to bother with questions and explanations. A bouncer hides his sneer when Romeo flashes roses and hugs you for three minutes longer than necessary. Soak it in. Help Destiny shave her legs and show Cassidy that song she asked about last night, then fight about the name of the band for five minutes.

Update: city reverses course on allowing dancing at re-opening reno strip clubs

One day, you'll wake up with your mind closed. You're jaded. Your heart is frozen. Or perhaps your mind is open and you feel like forgiving your sworn enemy or calling your mom.

Look in the mirror. Cat Thomas is a freelance writer and singer.

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Follow her music at Band Camp. in. YourTango Experts. Cat Thomas. My name was Violet. I was a professional liar. I stripped at every strip club in Reno, Nevada from ages Subscribe to our newsletter. now for YourTango's trending articlestop expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning.

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